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I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through two miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. Ran away from an irate mother bear, and then ran away from one angry bull elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine.”Amazed by the story, the doctor said “You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!”“No” the woman replied “I’m just a really, really shitty golfer.”A young girl started work in the chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to people. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.“Look” he said. “My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they’ll ask for a 110, which is a small, a 120, which is a medium, or a 130. Bart smiled at the thought and hoped Lisa might spread that around the school somehow and make everyone think he was packing. Bart slipped on the rest of his clothes and made his way down to the breakfast table. Marge was humming contentedly as she spooned eggs on to her's Homer's and Bart's plates before placing a bowl of fruit and a glass of green juice in front of Lisa's place. In the time it took Bart to sit down Marge had placed dishes of bacon and toast as well as a piping hot pot of coffee on the table before seating herself with her family.Maggie had been away since last week on an intensive language course this time in Montreal, Bart thought for a moment that he'd probably heard his youngest sister say more words in Spanish, Italian, and French than he ever had in English.The family shovelled food into their mouths and the table was quiet except for the sounds of eating. Lisa was particularly quiet, looking straight down into her bowl, completely avoiding eye contact with.
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